Real Quotes from Students of English

Innocent Quotes

Priceless Quote:
"He likes cooking his wife for dinner."
Intended Meaning:
"He likes cooking dinner for his wife."

Priceless Quote:
"I enjoyed tripping all around Hawaii."
Intended Meaning:
"I enjoyed traveling all around Hawaii."

Priceless Quote:
"Can I drop on you next week?"
Intended Meaning:
"Can I drop in on you next week?"

Priceless Quote:
"I’m tired. I moved my house over the weekend."
Intended Meaning:
"I'm tired. I moved into a new house over the weekend."

Priceless Quote:
"Her hair hung down to her soldiers."
Intended Meaning:
"Her hair hung down to her shoulders."

Priceless Quote:
"The couple walked in the park with their arms unattached."
Intended Meaning:
"The couple walked in the park without holding hands."

Priceless Quote:
"A foreigner visiting Tokyo for the first time surprised more trees than expected."
Intended Meaning:
"Foreigners visiting Tokyo for the first time were surprised to see more trees than they (had) expected.""

Priceless Quote:
"His wife, the old bag, and an umbrella were all that he had left after the earthquake."
Intended Meaning:
"His wife, an old suitcase and an umbrella were all that he had left after the earthquake."

Priceless Quote:
"The pillow was so hot that he took his head off."
Intended Meaning:
"The pillow was so hot that he took his head off of it."

Priceless Quote:
"The dentist bored the woman until she cried."
Intended Meaning:
"The dentist drilled the woman's tooth until she cried."

Priceless Quote:
"He swam under the ocean as long as he could stand. Then he exploded."
Intended Meaning:
"He swam under the water for as long as he could. Then he surfaced and gasped for air."

Priceless Quote:
"For the party, let’s put the alcoholics on a table in the corner."
Intended Meaning:
"For the party, let's put the alcoholic drinks on a table in the corner."

Priceless Quote:
"Sign your name on the front and sign again on your backside."
Intended Meaning:
"Sign your name on the front and sign again on the back."

Priceless Quote:
"She was so exciting that chicken skin grew all over her body."
Intended Meaning:
"She was so excited that her skin became covered with goose bumps."

Priceless Quote:
"I really love that video. Please rent me."
Intended Meaning:
"I really love that video. Please lend it to me."

Priceless Quote:
"He often walks to school in his backpack."
Intended Meaning:
"He often walks to school wearing his backpack."

Priceless Quote:
"No one saw him after he lost his weight."
Intended Meaning:
"No one recognized him after he lost so much weight."

Priceless Quote:
"It’s not polite to throw up things to the second floor. You should be carried instead."
Intended Meaning:
"It's not polite to throw things up to the second floor. You should carry them up the stairs."

Priceless Quote:
"The test was too difficult. I lost my mind so I couldn’t answer some of the questions."
Intended Meaning:
"The test was too difficult. I forgot the answers to some of the questions."

Priceless Quote:
"I ordered the lobster but I was told that it had gone out."
Intended Meaning:
"I ordered the lobster but I was told that it had run out."

Priceless Quote:
"No Smorking. Smorkers must Exit or be Extinguished. Please Smork Considerable."
Intended Meaning:
"No Smoking. Cigarettes must be extinguish before entering. Be considerate to others."

Priceless Quote:
"She usually beats him with the test."
Intended Meaning:
"She usually beats him on the test."

Priceless Quote:
"Penicillin kills Germans."
Intended Meaning:
"Penicillin kills Germs."

Priceless Quote:
"Would you please look like my dog for the weekend?"
Intended Meaning:
"Would you please look after my dog for the weekend?"

Priceless Quote:
"I talk, she talk, why you middle middle talk?"
Intended Meaning:
"She and I are talking, why are you interupting us?"

Priceless Quote:
"I was hung over the weekend."
Intended Meaning:
"I was hungover during the weekend."

Priceless Quote:
"I tripped throughout Canada"
Intended Meaning:
"I travelled throughout Canada."

Priceless Quote:
"Would you please pass away?"
Intended Meaning:
"Would you please pass out these papers?"

Priceless Quote:
"Don’t forget to milk the cat before you leave"
Intended Meaning:
"Don't forget to give milk to the cat"

Not So Innocent Quotes

Priceless Quote:
"The bird was catching bugs with his pecker."
Intended Meaning:
"The woodpecker was catching bugs with his beak."

Priceless Quote:
"How long are you in the morning?"
Intended Meaning:
"How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?"

Priceless Quote:
"I enjoy breast stroking two or three times a week."
Intended Meaning:
"I swim the breast stroke two or three times a week."

Priceless Quote:
"I want to thank you from my bottom."
Intended Meaning:
"I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart."

Priceless Quote:
"I want to marry a man who is kind, rich and long."
Intended Meaning:
"I want to marry a man who is kind, rich and tall."

Priceless Quote:
"She gets her dress up whenever she eats a restaurant."
Intended Meaning:
"She gets dressed up whenever she eats at a restaurant."

Priceless Quote:
"More and more women are putting on jeans because they are easier these days."
Intended Meaning:
"These days, more and more women are wearing jeans because they are more convenient."

Priceless Quote:
"I made my husband hard, shoveling snow."
Intended Meaning:
"I made my husband shovel the snow. It was difficult."

Priceless Quote:
"I have very well been eaten lately."
Intended Meaning:
"I have been eating well lately."

Priceless Quote:
"I asked him to feel me up at the station."
Intended Meaning:
"I asked him to fill up my tank at the gas station."

Priceless Quote:
"He sold his old condom and bought a new one."
Intended Meaning:
"He sold his old condo and bought a new one."

Priceless Quote:
"I was hard all day at work."
Intended Meaning:
"I worked hard all day. "

Priceless Quote:
"My father eats and swallows my mother faster in a restaurant."
Intended Meaning:
"My father eats and swallows faster than my mother in a restaurant."

Priceless Quote:
"I slept doggie style all night."
Intended Meaning:
"I slept like a log all night."

Priceless Quote:
"My pet peeve is when taxi drivers come too quickly in my rear while I’m driving."
Intended Meaning:
"My pet peeve while I'm driving is when taxi drivers tailgate."

Priceless Quote:
"The boys stood on their stools to get their cookies off."
Intended Meaning:
"The boys used a stool to get the cookies off the shelf."

Priceless Quote:
"You can tell one man who travels between others by looking in his trunks."
Intended Meaning:
"You can tell a man who travels from other men by looking in his suitcase."

Priceless Quote:
"My brothers were all upstairs raping the Christmas presents."
Intended Meaning:
"My brothers were all upstairs wrapping the Christmas presents."

Priceless Quote:
"He went to the airport to see his wife get off."
Intended Meaning:
"He saw his wife off at the airport."

Priceless Quote:
"My husband’s a great cock, but he uses everything in the kitchen."
Intended Meaning:
"My husband's a great cook, but he uses everything in the kitchen."

Priceless Quote:
"He’s strange because there are only love letters in his under drawers."
Intended Meaning:
"It's strange. His bottom drawer is full of love letters and nothing else."

Priceless Quote:
"The lady next door is an old screw. When my pipe broke, she refused it."
Intended Meaning:
"My next door neighbor is very stingy. When my plumbing stopped, she refused to give me any water."

Priceless Quote:
"One man grabbed her behind while the other tried to snatch the bag."
Intended Meaning:
"One man grabbed her from behind while the other tried to snatch her purse."

Priceless Quote:
"He was scalded by his mother after cracking his nuts on the dining room table with a hammer."
Intended Meaning:
"He was scolded by his mother after cracking the nuts on the dining room table with a hammer."

Priceless Quote:
"I enjoyed active intercourse with my neighbor."
Intended Meaning:
"I had a nice conversation with my neighbor."

Priceless Quote:
"You’re about ten centimeters longer than my boyfriend."
Intended Meaning:
"You're about ten centimeters taller than my boyfriend."

Priceless Quote:
"Canadian boys are really hung."
Intended Meaning:
"Canadian boys are really hunks."

Priceless Quote:
"I was scary; I had never come on a plane before."
Intended Meaning:
"I was scared; I had never flown on a plane before."

Priceless Quote:
"Rub me tender, rub me true…"
Intended Meaning:
"Love me tender, love me true..."

Priceless Quote:
"I douched myself this morning."
Intended Meaning:
"I took a shower this morning."

Priceless Quote:
"At first, only a few people were permitted to touch his new organ."
Intended Meaning:
"At first, only a few people were permitted to play his new organ."

Priceless Quote:
"I ride my friend to and from school almost every day."
Intended Meaning:
"I ride with my friend to and from school almost every day."

Priceless Quote:
"She has pictures of everyone on her chest."
Intended Meaning:
"She has pictures of everyone on her bureau (chest of drawers)."

Priceless Quote:
"Makng his member obey became harder and harder."
Intended Meaning:
"Makng the members obey (him) became more and more difficult."

Priceless Quote:
"I enjoy hand jobs."
Intended Meaning:
"I like work that involves using my hands."

Priceless Quote:
"If I can work it out, I’ll send you my specimen."
Intended Meaning:
"If I can finish it on time, I'll send you my document."

Priceless Quote:
"With their bottoms up, the speaker toasted everyone."
Intended Meaning:
"The speaker said: 'Bottoms up!' while proposing the toast."

Priceless Quote:
"I like to eat women out in restaurants."
Intended Meaning:
"I like to take women out to restaurants."

Priceless Quote:
"She asked for a divorce after swallowing him for seven years."
Intended Meaning:
"She asked for a divorce after swallowing (tolerating, putting up with) his ways for seven years."

Priceless Quote:
"I’m afraid my member is retired."
Intended Meaning:
"I'm afraid my membership has expired."

Priceless Quote:
"She walks the streets when she can’t find someone to ride."
Intended Meaning:
"She walks when she can't find someone to give her a ride."

Priceless Quote:
"I like Australia because it has a lot of whores."
Intended Meaning:
"I like Australia because it has a lot of horses."

Priceless Quote:
"We lost fifty dollars at the slut machine."
Intended Meaning:
"We lost fifty dollars at the slot machine."

Priceless Quote:
"Sorry, I’m late. I was in the secretary."
Intended Meaning:
"Sorry, I'm late. I was in the secretary's office."

Priceless Quote:
"Please put my thing up yours."
Intended Meaning:
""Please put my things up there next to yours."